I’ve done some intense thinking during the last 2 years. I’ve met many people in my life, I’ve made many mistakes, I’ve achieved many things, I have tried to change & forget things in a pretty drastic way, I went through a tomboyish phase, a rebellious phase, an all fun and no work phase, an all work and no play phase,etc . All I can say now is that past experiences have made me what I am today. Still a bit naive but at least now I can differentiate because my real friends and those fair-weather friends. My real friends are those who stood by me when I went through that difficult part of my life. They are those who understand or try to understand me. I can never be thankful enough for their friendship. I’d like to say that my life is a bed of roses now but that would be lying to myself. At home, things are better between my mum and I now compared to the previous years. The one year ’separation’ did some good. She is nicer to me now and I’m nicer to her.

Last year, I left Mauritius for Shanghai and made a few changes in my life. I stopped going out. I did make new friends. It’s just that I didn’t have much of a social life. I just didn’t feel like it. I was no longer into partying, clubbing or anything with loads of people around. I put walls all around me. It’s like I crawled into a shell and refused to come out. Still, some people somehow managed to break into that little shell of mine during my first year in Shanghai. My life in Shanghai was just my university life, some quality time with a few close friends, shopping , a few nights out (as to how many… let’s say I can count them on my fingers.. ) and of course my computer. yeah..What would I do without a computer..
Now back to Mauritius for my summer hols, I meet up with those old friends and some tell me that I’ve changed, that I’m more quiet, more serious, shy, don’t talk as much as before, etc. They tell me things which I didn’t realise or maybe I refused to admit to myself. Where did the carefree, outgoing, fun-loving girl go? I have no idea. I’m a bit lost. I also realise that now, I’m suffering from some lack of self-confidence too. One year in Shanghai was all it took for me to change this much. Still, I think I started changing a few months before I left Mauritius. It was a slow process and hopefully not irreversible. I became ‘weak’. I feel like I need to be taken care of. Now as I think about all this, I’m not happy with how I’ve become now. Is this just a new phase of mine? Will I be stuck at this point of my life or will I move on and be strong once more. I don’t know. I seem to have lost my joie de vivre. Maybe these two months hols in Mauritius will do me some good after all. I can already feel some of the old Aline ‘coming back’. hmm.. I think I need more of those heart-to-heart talks. I want those doubts and illusions that have plagued me to disappear. Yes, it’s high time to get a grip on myself.

Like HaruHaru on 43things said : “no one gives you a map of your mind, you have to figure out that maze on your own, by finding yourself, you can be truely happy”.